Garden of Abundance

How is it possible that in one week at the lake my zucchini plant can produce fruit the size of torpedoes and grow to be over three feet high? It's starting to look like "Audrey III." I am half afraid to approach it for fear it will bite me. But it's not just Audrey. The whole front garden exploded in  into a blousy mass of green and pink and yellow. The phlox back border burst into a pink lineup, the weight of the tomato plants overcame their cages and flopped forward. My new "gourmet daisy" (I have forgotten its real name) acquired at the Master Gardener Sale is proudly holding up the right back corner just as I had hoped. And my birthday gift blue arctic willow seems happier each day in her new home.

I have a sense that my whole life is like this little garden in the front of my house. It is abundant with blessings and possibility. But letting go of my work here is proving harder than I thought it would be. After five years of full-tilt boogie I am about to hand it off to someone new to Vermont and new to organizational management. I have left a cooky crumb trail (not unlike the HouseBook for my guests), full of as much information as can be captured in words. I am facing how attached I have become to my policy pals, to my colleague and to other social workers, and to my peers around the country. I am letting go of paid work, of a keen sense of the role I have played in this small state. In one way, of who I am right now. The uncertainty ahead pales by comparison to the struggle to let go.

In fact, as always, the new and uncertain is a thrill ride for me. Any anxiety about that is captured in the multiple lists I am making. And as everyone knows, if you can make a list you are surely in control of the situation! The digital age means I now have lists on my phone, on my computer, on the good old yellow pads. I can combine them by cutting and pasting, cross items off by deleting a task (not as satisfying as drawing a line through it). Somehow I keep remembering items that I fear are not on a list. Find out how I can get all my prescriptions for the time away ahead of time, for example. Then there are the things I just might not complete before I leave the country even though I am hellbent to do them. The knitted baby gift for a much-anticipated granddaughter of good friends, the ministries directory for church. Getting on the plane for Armenia may be a welcome relief.